It’s the middle of midterms week, which tells me two things: 1) Half the semester is already over; and 2) It’s been half a semester since I updated my blog.
A few people have justly complained about this. I responded by postponing posting posts for even longer. The Yunnan trip was incredible and absolutely worth documenting; the problem is I have no desire to go back and write lengthly blog posts about it. And the longer I wait, the more I forget the details that make up the trip.
Since Yunnan I have thrown myself into classwork, making friends, and exploring China. I made it to Nanjing for a weekend trip last month. Nanjing is a city fairly close to Shanghai and is a mammoth in terms of Chinese history. While there, I basically used all of the vocabulary I learned in a Chinese textbook lesson at Georgetown on Visiting Nanjing. One year you are sitting in your Chinese professor’s office trying to remember how to describe an idiom in relation to visiting the Confucius Temple, the next year you are in a Chinese taxicab trying to remember the correct tones of that word to tell the driver. It was surreal.
While in Nanjing, I stayed at my first hostel which was cheap and surprisingly clean (I have low expectations when it comes to bathrooms here). My friends and I visited the Confucius Temple which has basically turned into this giant tourism trap complete with McDonalds, KFC, and Pizza Hut. I tried the local food delicacy–duck blood soup. Not sure if I’ll ever be a fan of that dish. But at the very least, I don’t regret trying it.
We also visited Purple Mountain, one of China’s most famous mountains, and saw Nanjing from up high. The view was incredible. There were also the Ming Xiaoling Tombs (which houses the founder of the Ming Dynasty) and the Sun Yat-Sen Mausoleum. Sun Yat-Sen is considered the founder of Modern China, overthrowing the thousands of years long history of dynasties. He was also Christian, which unsurprisingly, is a little known fact here.
Besides traveling to Nanjing, most of my time here has been spent studying China and building up relationships with both foreign and Chinese students. I miss Georgetown enormously, but I’m also glad to make friends that attend different universities yet share the same common interest: China. One of the great things about study abroad is the opportunity to expand your social web. In general I have found that it takes a special kind of person to decide to study abroad in China, and I’ve meet so many incredible, intelligent, warm, interesting people here.
Last semester I thought 关系 guanxi (networks of relationships/connections) was essentially a Chinese phenomenon. I have since realized that every country has its own guanxi system that strengthens in importance especially during hard economic times. Now, compared to the U.S. guanxi system, the Chinese guanxi system is on steroids (I actually use that comparison for everything between the U.S. and China: ex. “Oh it’s the same in the U.S., except in China [insert phenomenon here] is on steroids.”) But just because China’s situation is more extreme doesn’t mean the U.S. don’ have it.
And now to explain the title of this blog post. I lied earlier. Kind of. The reason I haven’t updated this blog in a while isn’t totally because I have been too busy or lost interest. Another reason is at play, and this reason is something every writer who loves China faces. A few weeks ago, I could not fall asleep so I took out my laptop and started to write about my experience in visiting an underground church. I wrote over 2,000 words. I reread it. Then I realized that I couldn’t post it.
It had so many thoughts and facts, months of analysis of the state of religion in China. It was sensitive stuff. The problem is that I’m not a journalist. I’m a student. The problem is that I want to return to China in the future. The problem is that I don’t know where the line is. The problem is…I’m too good at SEO (Search Engine Optimization, aka You google “Georgetown student in China” and I’m on the 4th page of search results. Google “Nanhu Peasant Market” and I’m the first four results.)
The thoughts that run through my brain the majority of the time are ones that I’m not sure I can share openly. Information here is controlled. And I’m actively participating in it. And I hate participating in it. But that’s how it goes.
Or does it? The other day a Chinese student asked me to take a survey (Chinese inevitably find you when they have to fill out surveys for English class). One minute we were talking about living in D.C., and then all of a sudden ’89 came up. He had only heard whispers about it. He had heard that what happened was because of foreign countries meddling in things that they shouldn’t have (when in doubt, blame the foreigners). Did you know that most Chinese students have never seen the picture of a man standing in front of a tank? There’s a reason for that.
Recently the topic that has been most plaguing my mind has been that of that awful ten year period in recent history that no one likes to mention. But the Premier just mentioned it in the closing speech of Congress. It’s something that you don’t mention unless you really have to. Because it didn’t happen. It was like a nightmare, and what’s the point of analyzing what happened in a nightmare? It’s over, right? The topic has been plaguing my mind because I realized that everything I have been reading can relate to this one period. It drives me crazy because the one thing that needs to happen is that people need to talk about it, but the one thing you can’t do is talk about it.
I remember a quote high on the wall of my 8th grade government classroom. Mr. Mann was one of the best teachers I ever had, may he rest in peace. “Those who don’t know history are destined to repeat it,” it stated. I’m living in a place where most everyone refuses to discuss what happened, but all of the rhetoric that led people to such chaos still exists, though in diluted forms.
My Chinese professor tells us to study one thing and tests us on the opposite. I will take the Chinese approach from now on. Unicorns.
